Your Letter: I Need Help Decision-Making! (#343541)
Hi, I'm Riley Matthews. I have 3 friends named Maya, Lucas, and Farkle. Maya is my best friend. Since the first grade, I've been friends with Maya and Farkle, and Farkle's had a crush on me since the first grade. Now he is equally in love with Maya. Lucas we just met this year. Ever since I met Lucas, I've had a crush on him. I've liked him, a lot. We bonded here and there, and I really liked him.
In the past 2 weeks or so, I've been connecting with Farkle more. We spent a lot of time together leading to kissing 4 times (5 if you count him kissing my chin, and me trying to back up). I've felt something for him, but I don't really know what. All I know, is that I like both him and Lucas. Farkle and I spend a lot of our time together (when I'm not with Maya). Out of Farkle and Lucas, I'm not sure who I like better. They both know about my problem and told me to follow my heart. They both said that they wouldn't mind if I chose the other, but I know my friends, they'd be pretty upset. I know it.
Then another thing is, Maya, my best friend seems jealous of me spending time with Farkle. Definently not because she likes him, but because she wants to be the one to spend time with me. So, I tell her that I will begin to spend time with her, and forget about Farkle. She denies it. She thinks I have a close relationship with Farkle, and that's good. So, I don't know what she really wants. Maya has personal family issues. Her dad left when she was 2 months old, and her mom pays no attention to her, so I feel bad that I don't spend time with her, because she doesn't even have a family to go home to.
What should I do" Should I choose Farkle or Lucas" Should I spend more time with Maya, or continue to spend time and bond with Farkle" Please help me! I really need it!
Elder Reply
~~Romantic feelings among close friends can get very complicated as you are finding out. Jealousy can come from many directions. Friends can be jealous of another friend’s relationship with someone whom they like, or think they might like. And jealousy can come from just wanting to spend more time with a friend who is spending time with someone else, boy or girl. It is easy to then feel guilty about your relationships knowing they are making other people jealous or upset. So what is the right answer?
Riley, romantic relationships will come and go for many years at your age, but friendships last. When one breaks up with a boyfriend, or the boyfriend finds a girl he likes more for the moment, it is your friends who will be there for you and with you. To have friends we need to be friends. And this does not mean that one can’t have a boyfriend and still be friends with other people. Real friends stick by each other in good times and bad. It just takes being open and honest with each other.
So Farkle or Lucas? Time will settle this. Spend time with both and you will find out who you are most comfortable with. Which one you have more in common with. Which one makes you feel good about yourself. Which one makes you laugh. Which one is a good person overall. Which one you enjoy being with. Don’t play them against each other though as this competition can ruin friendships. Continue to be friends with both and in time the decision will become obvious.
Spend more time with Maya or Farkle? Maya is a long-time friend who needs you as a friend. Don’t ignore her or push her away. Again, friendships can be forever so don’t let anyone come between you if you still like her and like doing things with her. This does not mean that you can’t see Farkle or Lucas. It means dividing your time between them. We all do that in life. We have a few close friends and we do things separately and we do things together.
Riley, it seems that you have a nice group of friends with Maya, Farkle, and Lucas. If I were you, I would try my best to stay friends with all of them and not let jealousies destroy your friendships. It’s OK to have a boyfriend and still be friends with the others. Be honest in all your communications and let others know how you feel and ask them how they feel about things. Talking is the best cure for friendship problems.
You sound like a nice person and one who cares about others’ feelings. I know you will do the right things. Feel free to write again if I can be of further help. Good luck.
Sincerely,
So, there we go. My EWC letter has been returned! Thank you to Papa-Tom who has helped me very much! I love this reply, thanks!
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