Friendship Is Not A Hostile Thing, Or Is It?

Maya is being overdramatic. I said I was bored and I am sick of my songs, it's true. Then she suspected I wanted hers. In what interest of mine would it be to have her song!?! Seriously, clue in!! If you found it, I should know it's not that good, I mean, come on. She just is so hostile. I don't want to have whatever she thinks it is in life. I want something at least. My head has been planning out the perfect life, she's in it. But, hey! She's not the only one in it! I am here to, I should be happy. I am tired of feeling like she is being so hostile. She's making me wanna leave more. When you have access to something (not my past if your wondering) you feel you don't need it, and if you don't, you want it badly. I wish I just had a life worth living. Again, it's sad that my life lyes on Farkle. And, by the end of this all, he'll be on her side, and leaving me to cry on that dumb Auggie bed. It's all gonna play out in certain steps.

Step 1. I lose my friendship with Maya
Step 2. All I have is Farkle
Step 3. Farkle takes Maya's side (followed by Lucas)
Step 4. We go to bed while I'm on the Auggie bed and they all leave me to cry
Step 5. They come apologizing and it's sure not sincere
Step 6. I don't forgive them
Step 7. I wake up to my next miserable day.

Hold that thought. I have some repairs to do...


Step 1. I lose my friendship with Maya
Step 2. All I have is Farkle
Step 3. Farkle takes Maya's side (followed by Lucas)
Step 4. We go to bed while I'm on the Auggie bed and they all leave me to cry
Step 5. They come apologizing they don't do anything, and duh it's sure not sincere
Step 6. I don't forgive them I don't forgive them because they never said sorry
Step 7. I wake up to my next miserable day.

Better. Moving on from that. Seriously, Maya is hostile. I told her I am not her friend because no friend is so hostile. Why can't I have what I want? I have it all planned out in my head, but it's not gonna happen because of Little Miss Hostile. She wont get it. I am tired of feeling hostile every day. My days, they aint good! It was decent today because all I did was plan out my perfect life in my head. It seemed like I basically lived it. I am not taking a hostile friendship. What friend does that? No friend does. A fake friend is hostile. Not a true one.

Friends are made to only be broken... it seems. It seems that way to me. I made friends with Maya, Lucas and Farkle only for it to be broken one day. That one day is today!! Ughhhh! I cannot do this anymore! She's holding me hostile from everything. I DON'T WANT HER SONGS, I DON'T WANT MY PAST, I WANT A FUTURE!!! That's all I ask! I began thinking of the whole hostile thing at school. I wrote a post called A Future Awaits. Click here to view it. Moving on from that post. I just don't wanna be held hostile anymore. I want a future. Why can't I have a future where I don't have to be miserable? I liked how things were going 1-2 days ago. What's changed since? Lucas and Farkle did nothing to impact this. They just will soon when they take her side. Oh, I can see it happening! We play out steps 1 through 4 and also 7. I don't know what to do. I am TIRED of feeling like she's hostile. I wont do it until I don't feel this way. I refuse. I don't expect something, I just expect her to actually not be hostile. I don't want my past at all. I just want a future. I want a happy and bright future. Why can't that happen to me? Why does the bright futures always happen to other people? Never me. It's always them. I have to be the girl with a hostile best friend, while others don't.

I realized something through writing this. It's not my past at all. I've realized that for the past while, it doesn't bother me not having my past. Seeing images from my past, and what my future could be with it, doesn't matter. It's my future. I want a future. I didn't think friendship was hostile enough to hold someone from living happily every day. Why can't I be someone who can go to someone and say "This is what I want" and within seconds you are on the computer happily doing whatever it takes. You aren't trying to hide what you're doing because that's what you should be doing. It's what people suspect you'll be doing. I wish I could be that way. It just wont happen, I guess. I thought yesterday and last night, "friendship is not a hostile thing! No way!" and now I think, "or is it..?" It's not supposed to be, let me tell ya that! It's not normal for a friend to be hostile, it's just not. Maya just can't do it. She's way too hostile!! Why can't she be not hostile?!? I just wish she'd be... normal!! Like someone who isn't very extremely totally hostile! Ugghhhhh!!!! WHY?!?!?! Friendship shouldn't be a hostile thing. Life is supposed to be enjoyable. Why is it not?! Why can't this current life be NOT hostile! I just want her to be acceptive. I understand why she wouldn't except the past back, I mean come on, history. Too much background! Why can't she be considerate of something that has no background!?! WHY?!? I can handle it, why can't you? I mean from the start, I had 2 things. Now, I've lost one. I don't want it, but I want something. So, can't I get ANYTHING else I want? No, not with Maya Hart. She's extreme with her hostility! I'll end off this post by saying, friendship officially is a hostile thing.