I Wasn't Ready to Grow Up

Growing up can be at any age. 1 year olds grow up, 12 year olds grow up, 30 year olds grow up, 80 year olds grow up. Sometimes, your growth can be rushed. A 1 year old shouldn't be grown into a 12 year old, a 12 year old shouldn't grow into a 30 year old, and you get the point. Growing up too fast. What do you think that means? I'll tell you what I think it means.

To me, a 12 year old growing up to fast looks like this.

I walked out of my best friend's house to go home. Afraid of the night. I got caught up with older people. They told me what to do, and what I have to do to not die. Afraid, I would listen. Every day, or every moment the older people wanted me, I'd have to go, I was afraid. I never thought anything would happen. Soon, it just got worse and worse and worse until it reached something else.

          Sexual Abuse

It was a morning, a day. I walked outside, I wanted to play, like every 12 year old little girl. Then, I met up with the same older people. Then, they took me somewhere that I felt unsafe. To a house. Their house. They made me think I was okay, and then hurt me. They made me feel uncomfortable, upset, afraid, freaked out, weird, hurt, pressured, and focred and suddenly, a little girl was gone, and she grew up.

I would begin to tell other people, quoting, 'you should really find someone like them.' I would begin to do things, I never had done before. Oddly, I noticed a slight change in my appearance for a few days. I was scared someone would notice. My dad asked one morning, "Riley, are you alright? You look sick." I also did a health project, and it was on sexual abuse. I knew to much about the topic that I got bored with the class. I did a project and presented it, I knew too much. Everyone looked at me weird. I also had bad stomache and abdominal pains. I would complain about it, and I would every day. My mom suddenly became VERY concerned for me. "Riley, something is wrong. Are you okay?" She asked. I told her I'm fine. Not often, but the nights that I would be with them for the night, I lacked sleep during the day. I fell asleep on my couch once. I would have memory loss. I also attempted to be unattractive, so it was less tempting for them to do anything to me. Was that a little girl? Was that a 12 year old girl? Was it? That was major changing in a girl. That's because I wasn't ready to grow up too fast.