The Happy, Sad Truth

You wanna know what the title is about? Farkle. The Happy, Sad Truth. Here's that.

The happy truth is that I found a song that reminds me so much of Farkle. It's such a relation to it. It makes me happy because I feel like I have power saying that. I feel like I can just scream out those words and just say it as it is.

The sad truth is that those words are so true. It's true what I'm saying. It's the truth and apart of it makes me feel bad that it wont happen again with him. It makes me feel embarassed that I think that. But how much more embarassed could I get? So, because I can't get any more embarassed, I'll post my relation lyrics here.

The song is the faster version of Everytime We Touch. I feel bad taking this song away from Auggie and Smackle, but they don't really need it. They'll live without it. I wont live without the song that I have so much relation to, it's almost scary! Like always, highlighted parts are relations.

I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling.
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last,
Need you by my side.
'Cause every time we touch, I feel this static.
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling.
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause every time we touch, I feel this static.
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling.
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.

So, that is what I can relate to. Basically all of the song besides for 3 parts. The arms and the castle. I don't even get that part. The wiping away tears that I cry, is not true and the "you make me rise when I fall" is not true either. The rest of this song is such a relation. Anyway, here's my video for the song.

I've been with Lucas all night and him and I were repeating this video of this song over and over again while eating what we believe is cake. It's actually my flavorless waffles. Weird, huh? Anyway, I'm enjoying the night with him and he said it's good that I am getting my mind off of everything. Because at the beginning as soon as Auggie left with my parents to First Alliance without me, long story (I didn't wanna go because Auggie said he's going to tell Maya to tell all my friends there that I am mean) so I didn't want to spend my time being bullied. So, onc they left, I began crying SOOOO hard. I almost gave myself more cuts when I said out loud, "No, talk to someone, you'll be fine then." So, I called Lucas and said it was an emergancy that I need him. He came within 10 minutes and told me I'm fine. I told him I was about to hurt myself and he then hogged me to the computer. He searched up My Immortal by Evanescence. "Listen to this song" he said. I listened to it and I cried SOOOO hard. He then took me to Everytime We Touch and made me sing that one. I related to it, and I felt happier. I thank Lucas for making me happy. Now, he's sitting beside me with his laptop on Google+. He's watching me write this! Well, that's basically it for this night which isn't a happy, sad truth. It's a sad truth.

The Real Kiwi

I finally can actually upload a photo of my little baby boy! This is Kiwi, my little sweet hamster. He means a lot to me.

Here he is! He's on my mom's bed, and that was last night. He is lovely. That's the real Kiwi!

Nobody Will

Sometimes, the people who you thought loved you, really love somebody else more than they care about you. They tell you that there is nobody else but you. They tell you not to think that ever and not to be afraid to talk to them. Well, sometimes you should be afraid, because fear is something we can't conquer all the time. We have to learn to live with it. We have to learn that life isn't always what we expect it to be. We need to know that there are twists and turns in life.

Here's something my mother told me, today...

People are always so upset when someone meaningful walks out of their life. They feel like it's their fault and that they're not good enough without that person. But really, God is just taking them out of your life because they wont take you to where God wants you to be in life. If you stay with them, you'll never move on to what God has in store for you.

Now, I wasn't planning to do a song relation this post, but I will. I know I haven't mentioned this in a while, but I'm going to do Best Friends Forever, because it's about losing someone you love. Not to death. But to friendship. And the title "Best Friends Forver" may not mean it has to be about your best friend. It could be someone else you thought would never betray you. Like always, representation parts are highlighted.

NOTE: IN THE CHORUS, THE TERM YOU IS REFERRING TO THE PERSON YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. IN THE PARTS THAT AREN'T THE CHORUS, THE TERM YOU IS REFERRING TO ME.

Tears you try so hard to hide,
You hold it all inside,
Pretend it doesn't matter,
Why you keep it to yourself,
When you got someone else,
You know can make it better,

You try to be so strong,
But I always know when something's wrong
See you when your feeling down,

Hey, wasn't it you who'd always be there for me?,
Don't forget what we've been through together,
Hey, isn't it true,
We promised to always be best friends forever,
Yeah.

Words, that you don't need to say,
The sad that's on your face,
Isn't hard to see through,
I've been there once or twice,
It's you that made things right,
My turn to be there for you,

You try to be so strong,
But I always know when something's wrong
See you when your feeling down,

Hey, wasn't it you who'd always be there for me?,
Don't forget what we've been through together,
Hey, isn't it true,
We promised to always be best friends forever,

When the rain comes down (I'll be there),
I will always be around,Just wanna be the one to catch you when you fall,

Hey, wasn't it you who'd always be there for me?,
Don't forget what we've been through together,
Hey, isn't it true,
We promised to always be best friends forever

That is my relation to my good old song, Best Friends Forever. I haven't listened to it since September. I'm actually listening to it right now, just to write this. I'm not sick of it at all. I honestly miss it.

The point of this post is to say, Farkle began going with Maya for NO SOLID REASON. I swear there was no reason. It made me realize that I am getting out of this thing with Farkle. Not with Maya. I'm listening to Best Friends Forever, and she's mine. So, that's not goin' anywhere. But Farkle and I, I can't see that working out. And as long as I am out of it, I wont care how much they go together unless I think he is stealing Maya from me. So, there we go, it's a done deal.

I never put quotes on my posts, so I will, today.

This is more true than anything, and I made this myself. The thing with this one, it's unknown if the hands in the background are pulling the heart apart, or putting it back together. That's all up to you.

That is true. Nobody knows how many twisted secrets are up inside my head, but I don't tell anyone because I am afraid that they wont care as much as I had always imagined them to.

This is a true statement made by me. Follow your heart, but don't be surprised when it breaks by somone you love and you thought loved you.

This is what is true to me. Truths come out, and this is the truth. Nobody cares, Nobody Will.

I'm Not Serving

I am just plain tired of STUPID MAYA. She thinks I am going to serve her!!! Yeah right! It's been unfair like this since September, when it was just me. I haven't been 100% happy since September. I am not going to serve her to get my own rights. My own rights say that it should be fair! Maya logged into all of Farkle, Auggie and those people's accounts and unfollowed my blog. Hmm, I wonder how many subscribers I have?! The only person I will EVER even consider talking to again is Farkle. The other ones of them, well, I ain't talkin' to ya! Possibly Farkle, I might. He never really did anything wrong. Oh, and Lucas! Yes, Farkle and Lucas, I will talk to. I'll let them straighten me out. Besides, nobody even knows the secrets I need to tell Farkle. Seriously! Okay, there is only one, but it's a real keeper. Literally. Don't ask, I'm not telling you blog viewers! So, I'm not serving Maya, but I will TALK to Farkle and Lucas, not serve them. But, I love them so I'll talk to them the next time I see them (out of class time). Maybe at lunch, but they'll probably be with Maya. If I see them with Maya, then I actually will quit on these people because she'll be telling them the stories of how I'm bad, and she's so innocent. SHE'S NOT! GUILTY SHE IS. So, I'll talk to Farkle & Lucas on certain circumstances.

1. When they talk to me, they don't take Maya's side.
2. They don't make me serve them.
3. They don't sit with Maya at lunch. (Maybe not me too, but not her).
4. They/He (I don't know, one of them could be mean and the other could be nice??) actually consistently stays on my side, not just for an hour and then go see Maya.

So, those are my rules if I am gonna let myself be with one of them. So, the bottom line is, I am not serving, and the only ones I am talking to are Lucas and Farkle, until things work out. That's done.

Those Damaged Goods

Okay, I have some creepy stuff to say. Not creepy like.... monster creepy. But coincidence creepy. Okay, so my song Broken Girl by Matthew West says this, "Those damaged goods you see, in your reflection." The first part about the damaged goods is what gets the better of me. I searched up sexual assault side effects to see if I was different. I was, honestly. But, one of the side effects was "the feeling of having 'damaged goods'" It put a quotation on damaged goods, meaning it came from somewhere which is MY SONG! Shocking right? Okay, thats it! Gotta go do somethin', bye!

What He Does

So, last night was a little bit unbelievable, and that's on Lucas' half. Okay, so last night like always, Maya-Farkle. That ring a bell? So, Lucas took me up to the top bunk. I was sad and crying badly to myself. So, Lucas told me to calm down. I didn't know how to. He said he could help me, and then I thought of Farkle and said no. Then, Lucas said something that shocks me. He told me to wait on the bed and he was going to get something for me. For a second I thought it was Kiwi until he began shuffling jewelry and hair pins around on the shelf. He came with a bobby pin. He ripped the plastic top off, which covers the sharp parts. He gave it to me. "I can't believe I'm letting you do this." He said. "Just scrape yourself and it will make you think of that instead of Farkle and Maya and whatever is going on." He handed me the bobby pin. "Your letting me do this?" I asked. "I'll get hurt." He said not to worry and I'll be fine. So, I scraped my tiny little hand with the pin. I scraped my shoulder. He took to pin. "I can't let you do this." He said. He tossed it off of the bed and it hit the tv. Then, we decided to form a jealousy plan over Farkle and Maya. We pretended to do what I do with Farkle and what he did with Maya. So, we did that. Then my fake girly noises were getting on his nerves and and he kicked me off the. So, Lucas stayed alone up there. I was crying. Farkle came and grabbed me and hugged me he took me up on the normal bed. Then, Lucas came down and said sorry. We all were ok. I believe I must've done something stupid, so Farkle began to yell at me. I cried and tried to stay away from him. He said he didn't do anything. I told myself in my head that I was stupid.  I got up and grabbed a new pin, broke it, and broke myself. I scraped my little hand, quietly to myself. I decided to stop. "Why are you mad at me?!" Farkle asked, obviously annoyed. "You were yelling at me." I said. "What..." Farkle said shocked, but drifting away. "You yelled at me." I said again. "Riley I... I didn't know." He said. He apologized. Then, everybody was ok again. Remember the Boys and Girls Challenge? So, we basically did that again. The boys battled of who could get the most girly noises out of the girls. Maya took Lucas' side, I took their side. Lucas had to do it to Maya. I took their side because I didn't believe Farkle could do it with me. So, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next morning. Not a mark was left on my hand or shoulder, only the ones on my wrist and arms from Matthew West. And that is what Lucas did last night. He told me to hurt myself, he was mean to Maya. He's not like that. Or... or is he?

When She Cries

So, after going out for dinner with my family (and annoyingly miserable Maya), I realized that there is a song that represents me. It really represents me. It is called When She Cries by Britt Nicole. It represents my Matthew West situation.

So, here is my official lyric video for When She Cries. I have the relation lyrics, so here they are. It will be highlighted in green if it is a representation, bolded black is not.

Little girl terrified
She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal
A home is no place to hide
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels

[CHORUS]
Every day's the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/britt-nicole-when-she-cries-lyrics.html ]
Today she's turning sixteen
Everyone singing, but she can't seem to smile
They never get past arms length
How could they act like everything is alright?
She's pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories that scars leave
She says, "maybe making me bleed 
will be the answer that could wash the slate clean"

[CHORUS]

Every day's the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/britt-nicole-when-she-cries-lyrics.html ]
Today she's turning sixteen
Everyone singing, but she can't seem to smile
They never get past arms length
How could they act like everything is alright?
She's pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories that scars leave
She says, "maybe making me bleed 
will be the answer that could wash the slate clean"

(BRIDGE)
This is the dark before the dawn
The storm before the peace
Don't be afraid 'cause seasons change and
God is watching over you
He hears you

Every day's the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She'll be just fine, cause I know he hears her when she cries

Every day's the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She'll be just fine, cause now he hears her when she cries
She'll be just fine, cause now he hears her when she cries 

That was my relation lyrics from When She Cries. Thanks for reading.