What Do I Miss Most?

I've lost my friends. 1, 2, 3. Gone, like that. What do I miss most about them? I miss Lucas being his sophisticated and cute self. I miss him annoying Maya, and me there, laughing. I miss when he was one of my friends. I miss Farkle being his smart and funny self. And how he loved me and how he held me in his arms, tight. I miss him being one of my friends. I miss Maya beginning her homework rebellions and me wondering whether to join in. Most of all, I miss her being my best friend.

I thought these people were my friends. Not rediculous strangers. I miss my friends, when they were themselves. Themselves are my friends. If I seem even one bit upset, they'd be there. Now, we are strangers with a bunch of memories.

With Excitement, Comes Disapointment

This life thing, I don't got the hang of it anymore. It's all because of Farkle, Lucas, and Maya. They made me feel insecure, they made me upset, I'm giving up because of them. My whole life is pointless. No friends, no life. I am a stranger to them. Why would I just live the rest of my life as a stranger? I won't. I wont take it. You treat me bad, I'll treat you that way in return. I thought we were friends, not strangers. If that's they way they want it, go and get it. Because when you go, you lose me. Have fun with that "friends." If I even should be putting friends in there in general.

Look at these kids. Fun, laughing, happy. Now, they've taken 3 of them and left the one out. The one is now a stranger. Those 4 kids are strangers to some of each other. Those happy people, are now... not. I am not doing anything about this. You know why? I am innocent. This morning, I literally did NOTHING. Nothing at all. I was actually excited inside. Yeah, well Riley, don't get your dumb hopes up. With excitement, comes disapointment.

You Treat Me Like A Stranger, I'll Act Like A Stranger

Last night, I got in another fight with Maya. I got angry after she was saying I wasn't acting normal, because I thought it was pretty straight forward, we were fine. So, everyone went to bed. The two big beds had Maya, Lucas, and Farkle all divided equally into them. I on the other hand was on a baby bed I set up for Auggie about 1-2 weeks ago. I had my head under a blanket, I could barely breathe, and I was crying quite hard. They were talking about helping me, and that felt okay. Maya kept saying she wouldn't help me. That broke me inside. So, Lucas and Farkle decided to. They came and both got on one side of me. They hugged me and talked to me. I was basically attached to Farkle, I don't know why, but I was. I mean, I was sad. Of course the first person who sits down beside me would be the one I hook to. Anyways, they got me to go with Maya because she was asleep. Soon, she fell of the bed and hit her head hard apparently. She was bleeding so Lucas and Farkle helped her. Not long after that, I began crying. "Why are you crying?" They said. I never responded. Lucas assumed I was tired. I tried to talk to him, but he has a hearing issue (apparently). It really seems that way. So, Farkle came and got between Maya and I. He hugged me tightly and made me feel okay. I did, I felt very secure with him. I knew for as long as he was there, he wouldn't let go of me. He rubbed my back here and there. By the end, he kissed my chin again. Twice. I laughed at that. He cheered me up. So, I went to bed. I was okay. I thought it would all be okay, and I was excited to wake up. Until...

This morning at about 7:00-7:05, it was time to get up. I was still a little bit tired when Maya tried to wake me up. I lyed there and then I suddenly got excited about everything. When my eyes went open, they were all walking upstairs. Without me. They left me. Not even telling me that they were going. It broke my heart, so I stayed back for about 5 minutes. Soon, I got up and lyed on the back corner of the couch. Alone. Again. Riley Matthews. They began treating me like a stranger. I am not a stranger. Hear me out, I am not a stranger. I am 12 year old Riley Matthews who has known you since you were 5/6 and well, the beginning of this year. Still, I still have known them long enough for them to know this.... I Am Not A Stranger! It feels terrible. I thought it wouldn't be this way. I thought it would be good when I woke up. I was excited. I was actually excited to wake up! Now, I can't wait to go back to bed at MY OWN HOUSE. Yeah, I can't stay here anymore. It's only full of disappointment. You treat me like a stranger, I'll act like it. Strangers don't go to each other's houses, now do they? Nope. Goodbye sleeping here. You treat me like a stranger, I'll act like a stranger.

My Heart Is Broken- Evanescence

YAY, NEW SONG! It is called My Heart Is Broken by Evanescence. Because they are a general rock band (not many slow songs), I was struggling. I didn't like the rock, really. So, I went looking for a piano slower version of the song. I searched, but I never found it. The intro is piano slow, and when I searched the song in slow version, the top one was Evanescence- My Heart Is Broken Intro Version, meaning the songs beat is the piano intro the whole time! I LOVE IT! YAY!

Cupcake Bragger!

Since today is Farkle's 12th birthday, he brought his rich cupcakes to school. They were huge and everyone LOVED them. Farkle had a birthday cake flavoured one, and everyone else had the same 4 or 5 other flavours. Everyone got one cupcake. I got a oreo flavoured one, and so did Farkle along with his birthday cake one. Then, Farkle had 3 cupcakes left. He was saving 2 for Lucas and Maya. One he was going to give to another student. "Who wants another one!?" He announced. "I DO!" Everyone shouted bolting their hands up. I just sat there being dull. "Why aren't you raising? You wont get one." Someone said. "Cupcakes aren't the world." I said. Farkle came and set a peanut coconut cupcake beside me. "Riley." He said. Everyone was sighing. "I know why you didn't raise, Riley. You thought if you didn't raise you'd get it." The same person who asked why I wasn't raising asked. "No, actually, yesterday Farkle told me he'd give the extra one to me. There was really no point in me raising, you know." I said. Everyone was kind of mad at me (playfully) and I bragged the cupcake in their faces. It was fun! I was the Cupcake Bragger!

Happy 12th Birthday Farkle!

Today my calender marks September 17 which means finally Farkle has caught up to the rest of us! He's 12! I'm so happy for him! He is one of the best people I know and it's his birthday! I got him a present and he said he's handing out huge cupcakes to the class, and I will get 1 more than everyone else! He'll also bring Maya and Lucas a cupcake at lunch, too!!! This is one of the best days! I am very happy when my friends are very happy. Farkle is probably going to be the happiest and perkiest kid in school today, so that should be fun!!

There he is! He was eleven there! Haha! Now this little guy is 12 years old and peppy! Another year has gone by that he's been the same old Farkle. I was there with him for his 6th-11th birthdays, and now I am there with him again for the 12th.

This is for you, Farkle! Happy 12th Birthday!! You are amazing, and I bet you're still the same little Farkle!

For your twelth birthday, Farkle, I've decided to give you these cool pictures!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FARKLE! 

Nothing in the world means more to me right now than your birthday. You are finally 12 and I am so happy for you, Farkle. I love you, I really do, and I hope that makes your birthday a better day for YOU! I wouldn't lie to you, and I mean that I love you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I am going to. This is a day for you to shine and for you to be you! I love you, Farkle and happy birthday!

Love, Riley Matthews on your 12th birthday

The Advice I Really Do Need

Yesterday, about 24 hours ago, Farkle said to me, "Riley, I will tell you really good advice tomorrow." and I counted on it. He didn't tell me yet, and I am anxious to know! He means so much to me, and I want to listen to every word he has to say. I just love him, and I pray that he'll eventually get around to it. Maybe he'll help me fight this decision-making. I need to know, fast! So, PLEASE let him remember, God! Do this for me, and I will do a good deed back!